


Burden of Loving

by kijikun



Series: The Village [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Gen, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Side Story, kid Feferi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 18:03:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijikun/pseuds/kijikun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meenah reflects on responsibility, Aranea, and little Feferi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burden of Loving

**Author's Note:**

> Based off a tumblr prompt by Universe-C

**The First Cycle: Winter**

Feferi likes to cuddle. She likes to fall asleep in Meenah's lap. She's small and trusting and vulnerable. 

Meenah vaguely remembers being this young, this helpless. Empress Feferi - Meenah supposes the humans would call her Meenah's 'mother - used to cuddle her like this. Meenah remembers protesting at one point that she wasn't a wiggler anymore and storming off when the Empress tried for cuddles. 

Meenah runs her hand over Feferi's hair. The Empress had said she'd understand about responsibility someday. That she'd accept and even welcome it as her duty.

She isn't so sure about that.

Feferi is her's to take care of - though she's not sure when she stopped seeing the girl as a nuisance and a burden - but even this feels like too much responsibility. Too much like what she ran away from to begin with. 

Meenah doesn't want to be responsible for this rag-tag village of humans and trolls. She doesn't want to have to decide who is more deserving of what little food they have left - Cronus would shoulder the whole of that burden if she let him, but she doesn't (she often wonders when he grew up, when he stopped being the douche that wouldn’t stop hitting on her and grew into someone she sorta could think of as a moirail.) Mostly, she doesn't want to have anyone’s life in her hands. 

It isn't --

It's not _fun_ anymore. 

It's scary in ways the game never felt like, and she still worries that Kurloz or Damara will come back, and she'll have to do something like _cull them_. And _fuck_ past!Meenah for thinking breaking Damara was a laugh. 

It doesn't feel that funny anymore. 

Feferi shifts in her sleep, and Meenah knows she should put the little girl into her pile. But she doesn't. 

Cronus said he wouldn't run away to the sea (where it could be warming, where they could find more food) with her and Feferi. He said he wouldn't leave Karkat and Kankri behind.

Meenah thinks maybe she should feel guilty for even now thinking of taking Feferi and going to the sea. It would mean leaving behind Cronus and Eridan. It would mean leaving Aranea (and little Vriska with all her anger and confusion).

But - Feferi is more important than Aranea. 

And Aranea has been - odd - lately. Like Kankri, she's gotten quieter. Unlike Kankri, she become almost strange. She keeps coaxing Latula to let her 'fix' Terezi in a way that makes Meenah queasy in way she can't pin point. 

She stopped wearing the Signless necklace. That worries Meenah - because while she thought the whole Signless/Sufferer thing was stupid and boring (and leave it to Kankri to get himself martyred because he couldn't shut up) it had meant a lot to Aranea. 

Meenah chews her bottom lip. It be easy to escape to the sea. It would be simpler to just come back after the thaw and see what was left of the village (who was left).

But she can't just leave Cronus to deal with everything. Or Jane, who tries so hard and reminds Meenah of Empress Feferi so much that it hurts sometimes (and she misses the Empress, she wishes she'd listened more).

Meenah hoists Feferi in her arms and carries the girl to her pile. She guesses she'll stick around - if just to make sure no one fucks up without her leadership.


End file.
